t’s Inauguration day. Normally, that would be a pretty big day for me (I always loved watching the ceremony on TV growing up), but there will be no inauguration, because Democracy has failed us in America, and the country is at war with itself. I, amongst so many other red-blooded patriots, voted for the God Emperor in an attempt to save our country, but Hillary still managed to win. Our Lord, being true to his name, did not accept the election results and called for revolution, and we followed his war cry into the wilderness of the country in an attempt to take back what rightfully belonged to us.
At first, we had the upper hand. Texas immediately seceded and welcomed all of us from around the country. The Trump Republic, we decided it would be called, a manifestation of our admiration for the hero that brought us together. With our many militia and military defectors, we cut north, effectively dividing the Clinton Empire in half. Some of the democratic forces, being more moderate, actually owned firearms and tried to resist our surge forward, but they were unaware of our secret weapon; The Toddler Company. Several hundred 2-3 year olds, showing great aptitude in stealth and combat tactics, were spearheading the offensive, penetrating enemy lines by night and sabotaging liberal strongholds such as universities and coffee shops, and marching forward by day, claiming territory one mile at a time. Despite a tenacious defense put on by Clinton loyalists, they couldn’t hold any ground, because whenever a pocket of resistance was in danger of being overrun, it was just left to die; no support was ever supplied for units that couldn’t stay in the fight. It was a fairly decisive campaign, and we controlled as far north as South Dakota. All that was left was North Dakota and Montana. Later we took them, and my unit was going to push west to bring the West Coast under Trump power. We were so confident in our victory and Making America Great Again, but we weren’t prepared for what was across the Montana border.
We knew nothing of the Clinton military strategies; our hackers were hard at work, but all the enemy’s emails kept being deleted, so the nerds couldn’t get their hands on anything concrete. We were going in blind. Unbeknownst to most of America, the Clinton Foundation had been pulling the strings on Planned Parenthood, and was the one buying the baby parts. How could we have known they were using them to create fetal-cyborg super soldiers? We weren’t prepared when they came out of the tree lines. An ungodly mix of baby and tech, they crept out of the forests, firing high-velocity Qur’ans at us. Indoctrinated with a hate for Christians and an overwhelming desire to push the Nasty Woman’s agenda, they marched forward with almost religious zeal. The units that were made up of servicemen fared better than the rest of us at first, fighting in tactical withdraws to strongpoints, but units such as mine were easy pickings. We had all the firearms we needed, but we never got any training with them, and couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. We just weren’t accurate enough to take down the Baby Bots. In hindsight, I should’ve received firearms training, but I was too busy posting pictures on Facebook with the hashtag “American Patriot”. Why was I so young and stupid?
As of today, we’ve lost all of our ground. We’ve had to fall back to the Great Trump Wall in Northern Texas. It’s hastily constructed, not worthy of His Holiness, but it is holding. Even now, I can hear the artillery coming over the wall, pounding our positions. Glorious Leader is out making his round, trying to improve moral. He stopped by my bunker yesterday. I wet myself at the sight of him, but he grabbed my ass and told me it was ok, that he understood. Seeing him helped drain out the constant propaganda played by the baby bots, spouting their “I’m with her” bullshit and it did my men some good. In the meantime, hopefully we get word back from Toddler Company soon, the last report we got was that they were still behind enemy lines, and are trying to wrestle control of the silos in South Dakota; if we can control the nukes, we can use them against Hillary’s Shills and start pushing back, but for the past few days Toddler Company hasn’t made contact with us. Until then, we’ll just have to hold out against the Gay Muslim baby bots from the DNC, and the rest of Hitlery’s forces. Tomorrow I’m leading an incursion past the wall, Intel says there is a supply depot defended by millennials; they can’t fight for shit, so it should be pretty easy.
Until next time,
Join the Discussion