ear Candy,



I am Sorry I haven't been able to call. Wagner keeps using up all the battery on the Sat phone to call his mom. He's a real loser. He's been trying to tell me that I shouldn't have married a girl from the Driftwood before deployment, and that it's impossible for you to be one month pregnant when we left the country three months ago, but he's just jealous of the amazing relationship we have. Oh, and can you please make sure you've been sending in the payments for my 2017 base model Mustang to the correct address? The dealership sent a letter to my mom's house saying the payments weren't being made, but I know the money is being pulled out of the account. The Bank also sent a letter, saying the account is constantly overdrawn, can you look into this for me? Thanks!



Anyways, I've got to tell you about this new Squad leader I've got, a Sgt Clinton. She's a real piece of work. First off, I'm not sure how she ended up here. Supposedly Battalion fucked up again and our real squad leader is running the the chowhall at the Battalion CP, and we got her instead, but the guys up top don't want to fix it because the chowhall is running like a well-oiled machine. Good for them, because this lady is crazy. She had trouble making it through her first patrol with us, can you believe it? She was telling one of the team leaders to go check some of the locals, and then she just started wobbling around and had trouble standing. One of the PFCs had to give her a hand and help her walk when we RTB'd. She kept saying it was something called "newmoanya", whatever that is (although, I dropped out of high school, do they teach that there?) I prefer her when she's acting all goofy and stuff though, compared to when she's being mean. She keeps telling Sgt Trump that he's a shitty Marine, and that he has no place leading a squad, although she doesn't seem to know what she's doing half the time. I think he's taking it pretty good though; he built a wall of sandbags between her cot and his (similar to the one between him and Sgt Hernandez), and took one of her care packages as "payment", which I found kind of funny.



 She doesn't seem very tactically sound, and doesn't seem to understand the point of the patrols Staff Sergeant wants us to go on. For instance, another squad was taking contact the other day. When they came in over the radio asking for QRF, Sgt Clinton immediately shut the radio off and told the point-man to turn back towards the Patrol Base. One of the team leaders said we needed to go help out the other squad, but she just told him to shut up and told his SAW gunner that he was team leader now. It was really crazy. Luckily, nobody in the other squad got hurt, but I could definitely imagine a world where that kind of action gets Americans killed, so hopefully she figures it out sooner than later. Oh, and when Staff Sergeant asked her why she didn't take us out there to back them up, she asked him "what difference does it make?" Can you believe that? She's real crazy, and can't even follow simple instructions Staff Sergeant asked her for all her notes from the patrol briefs she's attended for future missions (really important stuff), but she said she lost all of them. She seems to either lose or throw all sorts of weird stuff, like her cammies, canteen, and camera. Now that I think about it, everything she's lost has started with the letter "C", she really must not like that letter.



 Well anyways, I've got to finish up this letter. Sgt Trump and Sgt Hillary have started arguing about who deserves to get the combat replacements more, even going as far as saying that they need them to "win" something. Tell all three of kids that I love them (hopefully they'll start calling me dad soon!)



I love you!



John Shmuckatelli



Blake is a Co-founder and Staff Writer for RTB. He served in the USMC as an infantryman from 2009-2013, deploying to Afghanistan in 2010 and 2011. The constant onslaught of new lieutenants forced him to leave active-duty. He presently works in asset protection in Georgia, where he lives with his dog. His views are his own. Follow Blake on Twitter.

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