he Pentagon has deployed approximately 400 Marines from the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit to Syria in what an unnamed spokesperson is describing as, “totally not another mission-creep-laden quagmire of endless war.”



The Marines from the 11th MEU, which primarily consist of artillerymen and their associated supporting assets, will be acting in a totally unambiguous and specifically goal-oriented advisory role that most certainly will not require the deployment of additional assets, and definitely will not become another fifteen-plus year counterinsurgency effort lacking concrete and realistic end goals, according to the entire General staff of the Marine Corps.



 “This absolutely won’t blossom into another unpopular and unwinnable war that further destabilizes the region, that’s for sure,” added the Pentagon.



“I know it seems like this is another easily-predicted pattern in which the US spends billions of dollars training and arming so-called ‘moderate’ terrorists, only to have to fight them several years in the future, but that’s not the case here. Not this time, at least.”



According to additional sources from the Pentagon, U.S forces will be providing fire support for Syrian troops as they attempt to wrest control of the city of Raqqa from ISIS insurgents, who seized the city in 2014. Raqqa is considered to be one of the last strongholds of the Islamic State.



“These [Marines] definitely won’t be in direct combat, so put that out of your mind right away. We won’t be sending several thousand young men into a meat grinder again and again over the next few decades for absolutely no reason at all. Don’t even trip, dawg,” added General Neller.



“Now, I know this seems like a fairly serious escalation of US involvement in the war in Syria, which until now has been mostly Special Operations Forces, supported by ground troops which already have artillery assets in the form of truck-mounted HIMARs. I’d like to note that the Marines won’t be replacing these soldiers, but rather joining them, bringing the number of US troops in the country to an all-time high. That’s mostly semantics though, don’t pay too much attention to that.”



The Marines are set to arrive in conjunction with additional Special Operations troops and attack helicopters.



When asked if this is something that should be in the public debate, the Pentagon official responded, “again, it’s not a huge deal. Trust me. [We’re] definitely going to win this one,”


Tyler McCarthy served in the Marine Corps from 2010 to 2015, first as rifleman then as a Scout Sniper. He was assigned to 2/9 Weapons Co., deploying twice to Afghanistan and once more to Okinawa. He currently lives in Boston, and is working towards an undergraduate degree in architectural design. Follow Tyler on Twitter.

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